The Mummy is DOA.

Quick snopsis: A military scout and his buddy go hunting for treasure, battle nameless, faceless and, pointless enemies before stumbling upon the tomb of an ancient Egyptian diety (Ahmanet, the Mummy aka Boutella) who had sacrificed her family and made a blood pact with the god of death in order to seize power only to have been thwarted before completing her pact.  As it turns out, to complete her pact she has to sacrifice a man’s life to summon a physical embodiment of the god of death and, she chooses Nick (Cruise) to be her blood sacrifice.  The rest of the movie centers around the conflict between Nick’s desire to escape death and Ahmanet’s desire to complete her blood pact with the god of death.

My take: Simple enough plot to follow, except the movie is so depressingly cheesy, predictable and completely unimaginative.  The Egyptian narrative is completely white-washed, which is so appalling considering how minuscule the whole back story ended up being; honestly, the entire back story is pointless yet they managed to muck it all up.  For what?  If I had to guess, it’s quite ignorant and an obvious cash grab.  But, I suppose if you’re into that sort of thing, the movie could appeal to a basic prejudicial and discriminatory pomposity.  The movie seems to assume that its audience is ignorant but yet tries to present itself as something the audience should take seriously.  It’s a complete waste.

The plot points and the direction the movie goes in makes no real sense and there’s no reason for the audience to care.  The Mummy is supposedly all powerful yet she is easily captured and defeated at every turn.  The great powers she exhibits never threaten the main characters and fails to frighten the audience.  The film’s creators also make very weak attempts at making this a PG rated film; for example, there is no blood, nobody really gets hurt and, the only times someone faced mortal danger were when the black commanding officer gets stabbed to death and when the police officers get turned into zombified mummies.  Even in those times, the deaths were overly predictable and didn’t add anything to the plot in truth.  This was just a very forgetable and wasted movie.  Don’t bother  wasting your time to watch it.

The good thing the movie gets right are some of the special effects sequences.  The special effects themselves were quite cheesy and pretty bad but the sequences and ideas were interesting; for example, the underwater scene at the end, the plane crash scene at the beginning and, the sandstormy chase scene through the streets of London near the end.  Yet despite how interesting those scenes were, they didn’t add any tension or excitement to the story at all; all the action scenes were utterly predictable.  It was pretty dull.  And, to add insult to injury a sequel is teased at the end.  Why?  Why would anyone want to suffer through another pointless escapade with Nick and his trophy, Jenny?  There are better things to do, like watching paint dry.

One last thing, Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde (played by Russell Crowe) is bombastically mixed into the plot for no good reason.  This was probably the worst rendition I have ever scene.  Crowe’s talent is completely wasted on this massively weak script.  The entire film fails to entertain and appears to be nothing more than a pitiful cash grab.  Stay away from this film.


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